Heavy Heart
by Confession68
Summary: Knowing what it's like to watch someone she loved die before her eyes, Nami wants to make sure that Luffy truly is okay. What better way to know than to talk to him about it? LuNa oneshot. Complete!


**Author's Note: **So, I've been inactive for quite some time. I do apologize. I have not been myself for quite some time. I've been going through… a lot of things… personal dealings within myself… At any rate, it has prevented me from doing the one thing I love most… writing. I have not written anything, really… for quite a long time. I've decided that this needs to change. It's a small step, and maybe, it will lead to bigger steps. I know that I once said I would never leave a fic unfinished, and I only have to hope I keep true to that promise. I only hope that I can, anyway… and can only apologize if I cannot… I must face my own demons at my own pace. Anyways, I thought that I would bring to you what you all wanted… but never really got; the reunion between captain and navigator. Let's just say some time passed before Caribou made his attack, which I know didn't happen, but work with me here, all right! DX Tee hee~! X) Anyways, it's just a short one shot, but I hope you all still enjoy it. Thanks for your patience and support. :)

Heavy Heart

Seeing all of their smiling faces and hearing their laughter, filled her with such elation and joy as her own smile spread across her flawless face. However, Nami's eyes then rested upon their captain, who was laughing joyously with his crewmates. She really had missed them all so very much, just as she was sure, they all had missed each other. She was also sure, even during all their adventures, that she had never seen them all in such high spirits. Even the solemn Zoro looked extremely high spirited. For once, he was not immediately looking for a quiet spot to take a nap, but was right in the midst of the excitement.

Even so, despite all of this, there was another reason her eyes had alighted upon her captain. Because… despite his joy and laughter… she could see it. There was something different about him. Of course, two years had passed. They were all, surely, different, but there was that fact… that nagging fact that they all knew, but would most certainly never broach. And that was Ace's death…

Her smile faded slowly, keeping her eyes upon him, and she had to wonder. Was he all right… _really_ all right? She knew what it was like to watch as someone she loved died right before her eyes, and not just died… but _killed_. Then again, it _had_ been two years since it happened, but had he had the opportunity to talk about it? She knew he must have taken it as hard as she had. If she was honest with herself, she really wanted to talk to him. Yes, she really wanted to. She wanted to make sure he was really okay, but how was she to pull him away from everyone else to ask?

Suddenly, the chance presented itself. Luffy stood up and was running for the back. She could hear him tell the others he would be right back. Nami watched him rush off, most likely, to the bathroom. Looking over, she saw as Usopp and Chopper gave him a wave, but went back to speaking with each other. Everyone else was paying her no mind. So, as if it was the natural thing to do, she turned and made her way towards the back and waited, knowing no one had even noticed.

Only a few minutes later, he came rushing back out with his dopey smile, but then paused when he saw her. "Oh, Nami! Hey! I just went to the bathroom!" he exclaimed unnecessarily.

"Yes, I know," she replied with a chuckle.

He gave his trademark snicker before heading passed her to go back to the front. "Luffy," she called, turning to him.

"Ah?" he questioned, turning and glancing at her blankly, though she could see the curiosity there in his eyes.

"Luffy," she called again, taking a few steps closer to him, "I wanted to talk to you."

"Ah? About what?" he asked, turning to her fully.

"About… About Ace," she replied quietly, and she did not fail to see the multitude of things that flashed across his features and in his eyes.

Then he suddenly turned uncharacteristically serious as he turned away from her and said, "I'm all right, Nami."

"Are you really?" she asked, stopping him from walking away again.

He stood where he was for a long time before finally turning back to her. "Yeah, yeah I'm really all right," he said, but this time, he did not turn away from her.

Curling in her lips and biting down on them, she looked right back into his dark, unfaltering eyes and nodded. "Okay," she replied quietly and smiled. "I just… I just wanted to be sure. I know what it's like, but you knew that," she said, taking more steps closer to him again.

"Yes, I know," he replied quietly, still watching her intently.

She gave a nod and smiled wider. "So, you really _are_ okay?" she asked, wanting to see him smile, but the smile never came, which made hers fade again. "Luffy," she called, stepping right up in front of him, "it's not okay, is it?"

He looked away from her and out _into_ the sea as many different creatures swam passed. Then he sighed and said, "Not really, I guess."

"I didn't think so," she replied quietly, also looking out into the sea. He approached the rail, placing his hands onto them and leaning against it, his face nearly touching the bubble. He was silent as she came up beside him to also lean her hip on the rail. "Tell me about it," she coaxed him softly, quietly, soothingly.

"I lost myself for a time," he replied quietly.

"Lost yourself?" she asked, starting to frown now.

"Yes, it was unlike anything… anything I had ever felt. I didn't know what to do with myself. I was so angry and sad… and so filled with… despair," he said, his voice even and quiet. "I wasn't strong enough, Nami. Not even close…" he whispered as he lowered his head. "They were all so much stronger than me, and I was so sure… so _sure_ that I could free him! How conceited was that? I was pretty naïve to think I could overcome that obstacle; that I could actually _win_! I almost did… with all of their help. I freed him, Nami," he said, looking up at her. "He was _free_! I had done it! I was so happy!" he said, but his expression looked pained.

"I'm sure he was too," she whispered, her eyes glossing over.

He stared at her a while in silence, but then he looked away again and said, "Yes, he was. He was smiling again." He was silent again for a moment, but then he said, "We were all fighting to leave… to really get free." He went silent again, and this time, his face darkened as he glared out into the ocean, making Nami shuddered with a sudden chill. "And then he came," he whispered, his words so full of resentment… bitterness.

"He?" Nami whispered, afraid that if she spoke any louder than that, that resentment and anger would be directed onto her, but he did no such thing.

He gave a nod and said, "Akainu… I won't forget his name. I tried to fight him, but," he shook his head, "he was so much stronger than me, Nami. I was nothing compared to him. He was going to kill me, Nami," he whispered, and that chill turned her frozen as she hugged herself, trying to regain that warmth.

"He almost killed you?" she whispered again.

"Yes," he replied slowly with an even slower nod, "I saw it coming… my death. I knew I was going to die. In that moment, I knew it. Then suddenly, Ace was there," he whispered, his brows coming together and rising up. She could see his pain and sadness. "He was there, right in front of me, protecting me… dying for me…" he whispered with feeling as he lowered his head. "It should have been me, Nami. I was there to save _him_! I wanted to save him, and in the end, I wasn't strong enough, and he had to save _me_!" he yelled, slamming his fist down onto the rail. "He had to die for _me_!"

She gasped and jumped as large tears immediately welled into her eyes. However, no matter how much she wanted to, she could not speak. She could not offer him words of comfort. She could only stand there and stare at him as the large tears finally fell.

"I lost myself… I was so enraged. I refused to believe it. I couldn't, because it hurt too much. I was angry at myself… at my weakness. What business had I there! Old man Whitebeard even died! If even he died, what hope did I have! I was so useless!" he cried, gripping the railing so tightly, his knuckles began to turn white. "I wanted to tear it all apart… that entire forest. Ace and gramps are the only family I have!" he paused and then whispered, "Had… My dad doesn't count, because I don't even know him." He closed his eyes and shook his head. "I was weak," he whispered very softly, but then he opened his eyes and actually looked at her, making her gasp and lean back. "I _almost _lost myself."

"Almost?" she asked, looking back at him curiously.

He nodded and looked into the sea again. "There's someone I have to see when we get to Fishman Island."

"Who?" she asked, leaning towards him again.

"Jinbei."

Her eyes grew wide as she gasped. "Jinbei! That shichibukai!"

"Yes," he replied with a nod. "It was because of him that I didn't lose myself entirely. I owe him much. He is the reason I decided I needed to train for two years. I needed to become stronger… I needed to learn about my haki."

"Your haki?" she asked, looking confused.

He nodded again and said, "Yes, my haki. Old man Rayleigh trained me. He helped me to become stronger. I can't fail like that again… not again. I have to protect you guys. I won't… I won't let anything like that happen to any of you." He looked up at her again from where he leaned down over the railing. "And I can't fail you all like I did the day we were separated," he said very quietly, that it was almost a whisper.

Wiping away her tears, she started to smile down at him again as she nodded. "We'll protect each other, Luffy, and we'll protect you too. We also knew we had to become stronger… for you."

He stared at her awhile, his eyes taking on their big innocence once again, and then he slowly grinned and snickered, "Shishishi!" He pushed off the rail and straightened out. "Yeah, we're all a lot stronger now! We'll protect each other!"

"That's right!" she said, pumping her fist with her own grin as she laughed.

"Thanks, Nami."

Losing some of her grin, she dropped her arm and just looked back at him. "You're welcome, Luffy. You know, if you ever need to talk about anything, you can come to me," she said as her smile softened.

"Yeah, I will. Thanks, Nami," he said, grinning again.

"It's so good to see you again," she said, smiling brightly again.

"Yeah, you too, Nami! I missed you!"

She did not know why, but her face lit up with a blush as she lost her smile. It was silly, really, because of course he missed her, just as she had missed him and the others. But, to hear it sound so personal… 'I missed _you_,' he had said. Not, 'I missed you _guys_.' However, she then suddenly smiled and laughed, though nervously. "Y-Yeah, I missed you too, Luffy."

"Shishishi!" he laughed, and before she knew it, she was swept up into a tight hug, which made her gasp and flush harder. It was pretty stupid, really. It wasn't a big deal. It was just Luffy, after all. Besides, she had hugged Usopp, right?

She laughed with him, again, nervously, and hugged him back. "I feel a lot better now!" he said, pulling away to continue grinning at her. "It felt good for Jinbei to snap me out of it all, but it felt even better to talk to you about it!"

"Good. Good, I'm glad," she said, smiling more softly to him… even affectionately.

"Yeah, thanks again, Nami!" he said before turning and heading back to the front.

She kept her smile, just watching him walk away as she leaned her hip upon the rail once again, and then she chuckled under her breath. No, she had been wrong. He was still just Luffy, and he always would be just Luffy, whether his heart was heavy or not. She was just glad that she was able to alleviate some of the weight of his heavy heart.

After all, that's what friends were for… That's what family was for…

**Author's Note: **WOW! That felt soooooo good! I really missed writing! But, no matter how hard I tried, I could NOT write anything. It felt good to write this! I'm really glad! It's probably crap though. I'm really out of practice, but whatever! :D I'm just happy I wrote something! Now, don't expect me to get right back into it and my fics… I don't know yet if I will be able to… not just yet, anyway. But anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this tiny oneshot. :) Thanks~!


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